10 Alternatives to Spanking
Spanking isn’t necessarily something a parent consciously chooses. Most often, it happens when grownups lose their cool, get worked up or feel desperate. Dad may give little Tommy a whack because he’s already asked him three times to turn off the television. Or when four-year-old Johnny runs across the road, his mom may spank him and warn, “Don’t you ever, ever run into the street again.” All parents know how profoundly annoying it can be when their little one doesn’t listen to them. Fear has the same effect: “Oh my gosh, what if Johnny isn’t so lucky the next time he runs into the street?” The vast majority of parents have either felt the urge to spank, or have given their child a pat, whack or smack at one time or another.
In fact, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, spanking happens at least once a week in 25 percent of two-parent, middle-class families. Why do so many parents end up spanking their kids? You might assume it’s because spanking works. But, in fact, spanking works if, and only if, you look at the short-term. Three-year-old Lucy picked up her toys with lightening-fast speed after her mom gave her a swat on the behind. However, Lucy’s teachers need to keep a close eye on her in the playground because she tends to bully the younger kids. What does one have to do with the other?
A crucial 2002 study takes a look at how spanking affects kids. Psychologist Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff of Columbia University’s National Center for Children in Poverty analyzed 62 years of collected data, and found that the more often a child is spanked, the greater is the risk of childhood aggression and other antisocial behaviors such as lying, cheating and bullying. Children who are raised with spankings are less likely to learn right from wrong, and are more likely to misbehave behind their parent’s backs. One of the pro-spanking mothers in my practice conceded, “My son behaves if I spank him
So, what’s the alternative? The following strategies are grounded in the belief that a child deserves to be treated with respect, even when he’s acting up.
Top 10 Ways to Handle Discipline Dilemmas
1. Be firm and be kind.
A child is more likely to hear what you’re saying if you use a neutral tone.
2. Pause.
There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m too angry to deal with this now. We’ll talk about it later.”
3. Teach your kids.
Instead of punishing a child for misbehaving, think in terms of teaching him to behave. “I don’t like it when you leave your skateboard in the front hall. Next time, please put it in the mudroom. How can I help you remember?”
4. Be positive.
Instead of saying, “How many times do I need to ask you to brush your teeth?” Say, “Go brush your teeth and let me know when you’ve finished so I can tuck you in.”
5. Give explanations, not threats.
By giving your child a brief explanation of why she needs to do as she’s told, you give her a reason to behave.
6. Refuse to get angry.
Instead of focusing on your child’s misbehavior and working yourself into a lather, think of each conflict as an opportunity to guide and direct your child.
7. Give incentives.
Inspire your child to cooperate with phrases like, “It’s time to go. Why don’t you go down the slide one more time and then let’s hustle. I want to get home in time to make cookies.”
8. Be flexible.
If your little one asks, “Can I just finish watching this show before we go?” be reasonable. If you have the time to spare, make room for your child’s requests. This is a great way for kids to learn about the art of negotiation.
9. Drop out of power struggles.
Nothing is as frustrating or less productive as having a showdown with your little one. Invite your child to cooperate by saying something like, “I’ve got a problem. I want you to wear a clean shirt and you insist on wearing the same old one every day. How can we solve this problem?” Your child is more likely to cooperate if he comes up with the solution.
10. Be smart.
Parents will often deal with problems in a set manner, even if their approach isn’t helping. If what you’re doing isn’t working, find a more effective way to handle the problem. Tip: It’s much easier to change your approach than it is to change your child. Ask yourself, “What can I do differently that will inspire a better reaction from my child?”
TIP: Remember these three important rules about punishment:
- Don’t assign a punishment when you’re angry
- Don’t use punishment as revenge.
- A more severe punishment is not necessarily a better one
Source: http://parenting.ivillage.com
Stumble it!
