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END THE BEDTIME BLUES
Parents don’t need to force kids to go to sleep

By Jim Fay

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The challenges of adolescence can be harder for parents to deal with than for their kids.

Bedtime is a time of frustration for many parents. They wish it could be a magical time to reconnect with children and share fond memories. Here are some easy ways to make those dreams come true:

Bedroom Time vs. Bedtime
The journey to bedtime bliss starts with renaming bedtime. Kids need to think of this time as “bedroom time.” It’s a time for them to be in their rooms, but not necessarily with their eyes closed. Wise parents never try to control the uncontrollable. “You get in your bed and go to sleep, right now!” creates a power struggle over something parents cannot control. A skillful child can keep a parent engaged with this argument for hours.

Slowdown Time
Bedroom time is a journey in itself. It starts with “slowdown time.” A slowdown routine is essential. Children’s brains operate at a high pitch and don’t shut down as quickly as adult brains. Parents should announce the beginning of slowdown time about 40 minutes before bedroom time.

Slowdown time includes turning off stimulating activities such as television, exciting music, and family games. It also is a wonderful time to give kids choices:

• “Do you want to go to bed right now or in 10 minutes?”
• “Do you want to brush your teeth in the kitchen or the bathroom?”
• “Do you want a story first or your bath first?”
• “Do you want a drink in the kitchen or in your room?”
• “Do you want a piggy back ride or walk on your own?”
• “Do you want the light on or off?”
• “Do you want to get tucked in or do it yourself?”
• “Do you want to go to sleep right away or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?”

There is magic in choices. They speak directly to the human need for control and can produce amazing results. Be sure to offer choices you like. Never give one choice you like and one you don’t.

The kids are given no more than 10 seconds to make their decisions. If it takes longer, make the decision for them. Kids become quick decision-makers when they know their parents will be making the decision for them if they don’t act quickly.

Some children like to negotiate in the face of choices. Resist the temptation to argue or reason at this time. Use Love and Logic® arguing neutralizers, such as “I love you too much to argue about that, maybe you’ll like tomorrow’s choices better.” Repeat this phrase as often as necessary without sarcasm or anger.

Remember there is nothing more contagious than a yawn. Experiment with yawning and acting sleepy during story time. It’s great fun to watch the drooping eyelids.

Parent Time
Once the kids are in their room, that’s where they stay. Announce that “kid’s time” is over and it is now “parent’s time.” Stick to your guns on this.

Kids have been known to resort to, “It’s scary in here. There’s monsters in my room.”

Just remember kids take their emotional cues from their parents. The best solution is to respond in a firm, yet loving way: “Well, sweetie, my advice is to make friends with them. See you in the morning. I love you!”

Give these Love and Logic® tips a try, and join thousands of parents who enjoy peaceful evenings with their kids!

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Jim Fay is president and cofounder of The Love and Logic® Institute in Golden, Colo., and coauthor of the book, Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 1-800-LUV-LOGIC or visit www.loveandlogic.com www.loveandlogic.com

SCHOOL SUCCESS STARTS EARLY
Expert says getting kids to relate to their teachers is the best strategy

By Dr. Charles Fay

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In my work with kids and teachers over the years, I’ve witnessed the many benefits of healthy student–teacher relationships. Establishing a connection between your child and his or her teachers is key to success in school and throughout life.

Regardless of a child’s scholastic abilities, parents can show him or her how to get along with teachers. Before your kids start school, give them a powerful advantage over other children by teaching them the following practical, easy–to–learn skills:

Tip 1: Smile and say “hello” to your teacher everyday.

Kids who greet their teachers with a smile and a warm “hello” every morning usually have fewer problems with their teachers throughout the day. It is important, however, for parents to help their kids understand it is necessary to not overdo it. Try practicing with your child.

Tip 2: Pay attention to your teacher. While your teacher is talking, look him or her in the eyes, smile, and nod.

Love and Logic parents know that helping their child relate to teachers will increase the child’s interest in what is being taught. One parent I know had a daughter who experienced difficulty paying attention in class. After the parent suggested looking at the teacher, smiling, and nodding, she became more engaged in her learning and was better prepared to ask questions about the lessons.

Teachers enjoy working with children who are interested in learning. Students who are attentive and “encourage” their teachers during the lesson have an advantage over those who do not. In addition, these children will be more comfortable approaching a teacher with any concerns they may have.

Tip 3: Raise your hand periodically to ask a question about the lesson.

A child who asks questions shows the teacher he or she is paying attention to the lesson being taught.

Tip 4: Say “please” and “thank you.”

It is important for parents to model good manners. At the Love and Logic Institute, we’ve found that children learn much more from our actions than from our words. What we say in front of our kids is more important than what we say to them. For example, when your child is nearby, you might say to your spouse, “I sure do appreciate all of your help today around the house. Thank you so much.”

Kids who use these skills in school will have an advantage over kids who do not. These skills also will carry over to the workforce, which will give children an advantage over others throughout their professional lives.

One student I know suffered from significant learning problems. Many people thought he would not be successful in his professional life. Much to their surprise, however, he went on to have a wonderful career and did better than kids who were much “brighter,” because his parents taught and reinforced good relationship skills over and over again.

Don’t wait! Start using these Love and Logic techniques and join the thousands of parents who are raising successful, responsible kids.

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Dr. Charles Fay is a nationally known speaker, parent, and school psychologist with The Love and Logic Institute in Golden, Colo. His book Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave You Speechless provides a host of helpful tips for teaching values, as well as handling other perplexing parenting issues. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 1-800-LUV-LOGIC or visit www.loveandlogic.com

I read a good article from babycenter.com and want to share it here:

Simple ways to make your child feel special

With our busy lives full of errands, work, appointments, and social events, it can sometimes feel like we need to make grand gestures to let our kids know they’re loved and special.

But what makes your children feel special might surprise you. You don’t need to spend $10,000 on a birthday party or a deluxe trip to Disneyland. You don’t need to buy a Barbie Mustang or a tree house or let them have ice cream every night.

In fact, making your child feel special is very simple, according to Leigh Leverrier, a family life coach in the Washington, D.C., area, who says, “Children feel special when they are respected, noticed, listened to, and heard.”

This can be as straightforward as hearing “what your child says and mirroring back what you hear to acknowledge his or her thoughts,” Leverrier adds.

Doris Jeanette, a licensed psychologist in Philadelphia, says: “It’s not the activities, but the energy behind the activities that makes a child feel loved.”

In other words, making your child feel special is as simple as paying attention. Cuddling, play wrestling, and bragging about your kid works, too.

Here are some simple, inexpensive (or free!), and ultimately very meaningful ways to make your child feel special.

• Create little morning moments

“The morning sets the tone,” says Bob Lancer, author of Parenting With Love, Without Anger or Stress. “If there’s strife, rushing, or power struggles in the morning, you have a child who feels less important than other elements of the parent’s agenda.”

Instead of giving in to morning impatience, Vanessa Pizzinato of Ontario, Canada, takes a few minutes with her 5-year-old son every morning to gently walk her fingers over his legs and feet to wake him up. If that doesn’t work, then she takes his feet, puts one up to her ear and the other in front of her mouth, and talks to his tummy and head “to find out when they think he will wake up.”

Cara Mirabella, who runs TheHouseholdHelper.com, spends a little quality time each morning with her 2-year-old son by having coffee together. (His “coffee” is milk.) “We watch Sesame Street, the two of us cuddling on the couch, enjoying our coffee,” she says.

After taking five minutes for yourself “to enjoy the quiet of the morning before the stampede begins,” says Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting, spend ten minutes with your child before anybody has to rush anywhere.

“First thing in the morning can be a wonderfully effective time to connect with children, especially when they’re going to school and won’t get to see you all day,” she says.

The other 8 ways are:

• Snuggle and cuddle
• Make up special stories
• Ask for help
• Break the rules
• Have fun at bedtime
• Get silly
• Use your words
• And just pay attention to the little things

You can read full post here.