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6 Ways to Stop Whinning

Source: http://parenting.ivillage.com/

Many parents have theorized that there’s a recessive gene that seems to be present in about 99 percent of young children: the whining gene.

If only DNA or some other scientific phenomenon could account for why so many of our kids resort to whining when they want something. And coming up with an effective coping strategy to pull the plug on whining can greatly improve your relationship with your child. On the other hand, coming up with the wrong one will only encourage more whining.

According to a recent survey of almost 1,650 parents conducted by Parent Soup, the best way to stop whining is to calmly explain to your kids why it’s not appropriate. More than 40 percent of respondents said children are most likely to obey if you are calm, but firm, with your explanation. Almost 30 percent of those quizzed said they simply ignore the whining and that their kids stop once they realize they aren’t eliciting a reaction. About 22 percent said their kids stop whining when they pretend not to understand what the child is saying.

Experts say parents must exercise caution when their children resort to whining. If you mock or ignore them, this might enrage them. It’s important to know WHY they are whining. If they feel it’s the only way to get your attention, it’s time to take stock of how much attention you’re giving your children. On the other hand, providing positive reinforcement by “caving” to their requests will only encourage them to whine more.

Here’s a selection of some of the best advice offered by members of the Parent Soup communities:

1. “I try to ignore whining, then I try to explain why (my son) shouldn’t whine, then I cajole, threaten, and finally … I WHINE!!!”

2. “My best advice: Let your ‘no’ mean no and your ‘yes’ mean yes. Giving in to whining just perpetuates the habit.”

3. “If my children whine, I make it clear that I did not understand what they have said (even if I have). They (soon) realize that they must speak in an acceptable way, i.e. moderate tone, (proper) enunciation. … When they speak in an appropriate way, they are acknowledged and addressed. When they whine, they are misunderstood and unanswered.”

4. “By whining, our children learn that we will then pay attention to them. … It’s not their tone of voice that we should be reinforcing. We really can avoid the problem with better listening skills and (hopefully they will no longer feel the need to indulge the) nasty whining habit.”

5. “My house is full of kids with a sense of humor. … If they whine, I whine right back. “But, Mooooom…,” they drag on. “But, daaarlings…,” I yodel. Usually they are sick of me first. Victory!”

6. “Did you notice the ‘What’s the best way to stop your child from whining?’ poll did not allow for any answer involving actually trying to find why the child is whining? Is it because the poller/s assumed a child is doing it only to annoy us grown-ups?”

Written by childcare expert and author Penelope Leach

Babies have an inbuilt interest in human voices and a natural tendency to listen and to concentrate when someone is talking. You can build on this as you did when your child was a baby.

How can I help my toddler learn to talk?
Talk as much and as often as you can directly to your toddler. Try to make some of these conversations just between you and him. If you are talking, or reading, to him and an older sibling, your toddler will not get as much repetition and explanation as he can use, and as much as he will get if he is alone with you. Look at him while you talk. Let him see your face and your gestures.

Let your toddler see what you mean, by matching what you do to what you say. “Off with your shirt,” you say, taking it off over his head; “Now your shoes”, removing them.

Let your toddler see what you feel by matching what you say with your facial expressions. This is no age for teasing (what age is?). If you give him a big hug while saying “Who’s mummy’s great horrible grubby monster then?” you will confuse him. Your face is saying “Who is mummy’s gorgeous boy?”

Help your child to understand your overall communication; it does not matter whether he understands your exact words or not. If you cook something, put plates on the table and then hold out your hand to him saying, “It’s lunch time now”. He will understand that his lunch is ready and will come to his high chair. He might not have understood the words “lunch time now” without those other cues to go with them. He will learn the meanings of the words themselves through understanding them, again and again, in helpful contexts.

Share enthusiasm, emotion and emphasis; whether you are talking about a flood of love for your toddler or a flock of rare birds in the sky, those are the speech qualities that will catch and hold his attention and motivate him to try and understand what you are saying.

How can I help my toddler to communicate?

Help your child to realise that all talk is communication. If you chat away to yourself without waiting for a response or looking as if you want one, or if you don’t bother to answer when he or another member of the family speaks to you, he is bound to feel that words are just meaningless sounds.

Don’t have talk as background noise. If you like to have the radio on all day, try to keep it to music unless you are actually listening. If you are listening, let him see that you are receiving meaningful communication from the voice he cannot see.

Act as your toddler’s interpreter. You will find it much easier to understand his language than strangers do and he will find it much easier to understand you and other “special” people than to understand strangers.

How can I teach my toddler about truth and lies?
Your child may learn new words and use them correctly, but he may miss the subtler meanings those words convey to adults. He cannot possibly understand the concept of a promise, for example. Yet he may well use the word. If you offer him five minutes more play if he promises to come straight to bed afterwards, he will happily say “promise”. However, the word is nothing but an agreement label. After those five minutes, he wants a further five. He cannot understand the reproach in your voice as you say, “but you promised.”

Words often make trouble over truth, too. Your toddler may talk fluently enough to issue accusations and denials long before their accuracy means anything to him. He talks as he feels. It might have been the dog that made that puddle: he wishes it had been and says that it was. During a quarrel with his sister, he falls and hurts his knee. He says that she pushed him — which she did not. But although she did not hurt his knee, she did hurt his feelings. He is telling a kind of feeling-truth which just happens to be different from adult truth.

As he grows, you will be able to demonstrate the value of promises thoughtfully made and reliably kept; of truth (usually) told, and lies (mostly) avoided. But it is too soon yet. Don’t corner him with concepts he cannot understand. He is doing his best to please, but if nothing less than child standards can please you, he will fail.

source: http://www.babycenter.com.au/