cyberhousewife.com

It’s time for the baby’s bath. It’s been a busy day, and you have a lot on your mind. Your child loves playing in the warm water, but tonight it feels like just one more thing to do.

Is this a good time for a language lesson, even if you don’t feel like it? You bet. Talking with your child during everyday events like nappy changes and baths is a great way to help your child learn the sounds and words of language.

‘It’s time to wash your hair now. Should we use the cup to pour the water? Lean your head back a little so the soap doesn’t get in your eyes. Let’s dip the washcloth in the water so we can clean your little nose. Do you have dirt under your fingernails? Let’s see if we can get it out …’

More is better

When it comes to teaching your child language, it’s how much you talk to her that counts the most. It may sound simple, but the best way to build children’s vocabularies during the critical first three years of life is to talk with them – a lot.

One study looked at the everyday talk between parents and children in 42 families. The results clearly showed that children’s vocabularies grew faster and they scored higher on IQ tests when their parents talked to them often.

Talking to children throughout the day helps in two ways. When parents talk more often, they use a wider range of words. Also, parents who talk a lot with their kids usually use longer and more complex sentences. This helps children learn what words mean, how grammar works, and how to talk about things in the past or the future. And when parents have ‘conversations’ with their young children, they create a foundation for good communication down the road.

Talking gap

All parents talk to their children. But the study found big differences in the types of conversations some families have. Researchers spent one hour a month with each family tape-recording the conversations between parents and children. The results were surprising:

• One group of parents spent an average of 40 minutes each hour interacting with their children, while another group spent about 15 minutes per hour.
• Some parents spoke more than 2000 words an hour on average to their kids compared with others who spoke around 600.
• One set of families responded to their children 250 times an hour on average, while another responded only 50 times.
• After three years, children from the most talkative families are exposed to nearly 30 million words, while those from the least talkative may have heard only 10 million (see figure 1).

Quantity is quality

In each family, all the children learned enough language to get through everyday experiences. And for the most part, the conversations were about similar things. Families talked about people, places, actions, feelings, objects, experiences and past and future events. They answered their children’s questions and responded to their actions. And they guided them with encouragements such as ‘that’s great, honey,’ and restrictions such as ‘don’t touch that’.

If the families seemed to talk about the same things, why were some children speaking and understanding more words at age three? It turns out that the more parents talked to their children, the better the conversations got in terms of variety and richness.

Take bath time as an example. The more you talk to your child, the more likely you are to use different and more creative nouns, verbs, and modifiers. Sentences will become more complex and longer. You’ll ask more questions. And there is a greater chance you will talk about things in the past and in the future. Conversations like these help build a child’s vocabulary.

‘Look at those little dirty hands. They got so dirty playing outside today! Do you remember digging in the dirt? We found a little worm that wiggled in your hand. I’ll bet next time we’ll find more worms and bugs. Oops – it looks like there’s some dirt in your hair too! Let’s wash your hair now …’

The study also found that talkative parents were much more likely to guide their children with positive feedback such as ‘good’ or ‘that’s right’. When parents were talking less, they were more likely to use negative feedback such as ‘stop that’ or ‘don’t’. The families that talked the most used an encouraging tone 70-80% of the time, while those that talked the least were more likely to scold or use a discouraging tone.

Big words, big boost

By the age of three, children from families that talked the most had an average vocabulary more than twice the size of children from families that talked the least (see figure 2).

Not only did they understand more, they were able to use language to talk about a broader range of subjects. Even six years later, children from talkative families outscored others on language tests and reading comprehension.

Talking tips

So what’s the key to talking more with your children? The researchers noticed some good strategies parents used when interacting with their children.

• Just talk: Use everyday events like folding laundry, changing nappies or doing the dishes. Talk enough to keep the child cooperative and engaged. This works well with younger children learning their first words.
• Listen: When children talk, even if it’s silly or hard to understand, use it as a chance to add information, encourage more talking, or to elaborate on what they said. ‘You’re talking about the little bird? Look at his pointy beak. What colour is his beak? He can fly high in the air.’
• Be nice: Kids need our guidance to learn what’s OK to do. When they do something they shouldn’t, suggest a better or right way to do it and avoid negative criticism. For example, a parent could say, ‘We write on paper, not on the walls’, instead of ‘Don’t do that!’
• Give choices: Whether trying to get a child to do something like pick up toys or teaching them to use a spoon or fork, choices are important. Give choices that are real. ‘Do you want to eat your peas or your rice first? Do you want the blue or the green cup?’
• Talk some more: It’s a big new world for kids, so help them by pointing out interesting things. ‘Look at the yellow bird in the sky! It reminds me of the story grandma told us about …’ Talking about things is a great way to remember past adventures and prepare them for new experiences.

Helpful parenting tips

• Talk. Engage your child all day long, asking questions, explaining things, and adding new ideas. Try to use full sentences and lots of different words.
• Use positive, affirming language to guide your child’s behaviour. ‘I like it when you hang up your coat!’ Use negative language sparingly.
• Read lots of stories. Read favourite books over and over. Try sharing books with friends, or bringing home new stories from the library.
• Talk to your child even if your child is not a talker. Some kids are naturally quiet. Talking to them will help them learn the language just the same.
• In a large family, pay special attention to younger ones to make sure they are getting the verbal attention they need.
• Grandma, grandpa, uncles, aunts, neighbours, siblings and babysitters – encourage all of those who love your children to talk with them as much as possible.

Children start the wonderful road of learning language from the day they are born. Parents who talk to their children throughout the day are giving them a gift. The language they learn will help them enjoy and understand the world around them, and it will prepare them for the challenges of life ahead.

Source: http://raisingchildren.net.au/

Siblings can be the best of friends, and the worst of enemies, all within the same hour. Whether it stems from sibling rivalry, a stolen toy, or just a silly taunt, conflicts are bound to happen. If your children seem to be constantly bickering, take solace in the fact that this is common, and containable. From understanding the causes of conflicts to hints on coping with them, we’ve got great tips just waiting for you!

Causes of Sibling Conflicts

Sibling conflicts are a bit like the weather - we have no control over them, but we have to deal with the results anyway. As parents, it can sometimes seem that whenever we turn our backs the little ones are making each other cry. This may be the case, but remember that there are many reasons for it and you can’t be expected to control them all!

• Children become bored easily, and fighting gives them something to do.
• When they are hungry or tired, more things irritate children that lead them to conflict.
• Siblings engage in competition and may create conflict if they feel that they are losing, whether at a game, a race, or for your attention.
• Older siblings may not understand that younger siblings are not as mature as they are, and agitation and conflict can result.
• Every child is self-centred. This is a natural state, and it means that children can only see the world from their point of view. Until they develop the ability to see the world from another angle, this will result in many perceived slights and rule out any ability to understand why others may act the way they do.
• Children, like adults, will hold grudges. Often times new conflicts will result that seem insignificant, but are magnified by an old grudge.

Steps to Avoid Sibling Conflicts

Though a certain amount of sibling conflict will take place no matter what, there are steps parents can take to avoid frequent fighting. Eliminating sibling rivalry will help stop many sources of conflict.

• Give each of your children special time to have the undivided attention of their parents.
• Frequently show love and affection, with hugs and kisses, to each of your children.
• Never compare your children’s abilities, development or preferences.
• Avoid labelling your children, such as “the smart one” or “the patient one.”
• Encourage your children to develop their own hobbies that are distinct from their siblings’.

Mediating and Resolving Sibling Conflicts

Even despite our best efforts, sibling conflicts are bound to occur. When they do, there are several ways that parents can help mediate and resolve them in a timely manner.

• Discuss conflicts with your children when you are all calm. Refer to hypothetical conflicts that do not involve your children, and explain your feelings towards the resolution of conflictions through violence or force.
• Explain your rules clearly and so that every child understands. It is unfair to hold children accountable for breaking rules that they were never told about.
• Be a role model. Show your children how you expect them to resolve conflicts through your own behaviour.
• Encourage manners among your children.
• Remind children that “fair” is not always necessarily “equal.” For example, it is fair that older children are allowed to stay up later than their younger siblings.
• Teach your children the concept of compromise, and expect them to compromise without you acting as a judge.
• Help your child recognize their emotions. If they are able to verbalize that they are angry or sad, they will be able to discuss conflicts and think of compromises much more easily.
• If your children are quarrelling and it looks as though it will become violent, separate them immediately.
• When conflict does occur, do not inquire as to which child started it. Hold each child responsible for breaking your rules.

Remember, in a perfect world sibling conflicts would never rear their ugly heads. Here in the real world, sibling conflicts are common, and taking steps to avoid them and resolve them are much more important than simply ignoring them.

Source: http://www.growingkids.co.uk

6 Ways to Stop Whinning

Source: http://parenting.ivillage.com/

Many parents have theorized that there’s a recessive gene that seems to be present in about 99 percent of young children: the whining gene.

If only DNA or some other scientific phenomenon could account for why so many of our kids resort to whining when they want something. And coming up with an effective coping strategy to pull the plug on whining can greatly improve your relationship with your child. On the other hand, coming up with the wrong one will only encourage more whining.

According to a recent survey of almost 1,650 parents conducted by Parent Soup, the best way to stop whining is to calmly explain to your kids why it’s not appropriate. More than 40 percent of respondents said children are most likely to obey if you are calm, but firm, with your explanation. Almost 30 percent of those quizzed said they simply ignore the whining and that their kids stop once they realize they aren’t eliciting a reaction. About 22 percent said their kids stop whining when they pretend not to understand what the child is saying.

Experts say parents must exercise caution when their children resort to whining. If you mock or ignore them, this might enrage them. It’s important to know WHY they are whining. If they feel it’s the only way to get your attention, it’s time to take stock of how much attention you’re giving your children. On the other hand, providing positive reinforcement by “caving” to their requests will only encourage them to whine more.

Here’s a selection of some of the best advice offered by members of the Parent Soup communities:

1. “I try to ignore whining, then I try to explain why (my son) shouldn’t whine, then I cajole, threaten, and finally … I WHINE!!!”

2. “My best advice: Let your ‘no’ mean no and your ‘yes’ mean yes. Giving in to whining just perpetuates the habit.”

3. “If my children whine, I make it clear that I did not understand what they have said (even if I have). They (soon) realize that they must speak in an acceptable way, i.e. moderate tone, (proper) enunciation. … When they speak in an appropriate way, they are acknowledged and addressed. When they whine, they are misunderstood and unanswered.”

4. “By whining, our children learn that we will then pay attention to them. … It’s not their tone of voice that we should be reinforcing. We really can avoid the problem with better listening skills and (hopefully they will no longer feel the need to indulge the) nasty whining habit.”

5. “My house is full of kids with a sense of humor. … If they whine, I whine right back. “But, Mooooom…,” they drag on. “But, daaarlings…,” I yodel. Usually they are sick of me first. Victory!”

6. “Did you notice the ‘What’s the best way to stop your child from whining?’ poll did not allow for any answer involving actually trying to find why the child is whining? Is it because the poller/s assumed a child is doing it only to annoy us grown-ups?”